Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
