Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
