I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just want nice things and good sex
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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