walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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