I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
