Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize