allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
