apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
