I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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