Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
