im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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