what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
