I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
