I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
