I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize