did you get engaged???
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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