we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize