Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
