I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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