If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
