I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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