He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
