this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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