I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
