I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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