you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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