I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
