perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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