you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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