dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Your dad touched me again.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
