Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
