you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How does one acquire holy water?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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