I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
