i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
