wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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