Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
