I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
