i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
