We need to rekindle our bromance
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
