Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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