apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
