Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
