Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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