Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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