There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
