dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
