There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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