laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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