It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
