I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
