I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
