So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
