Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
