I am puke
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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