i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
