I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
