can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
