I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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