I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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