Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
