are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
