I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
