Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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