i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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