so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
