Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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