I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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