Kiss
Puke
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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