I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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