Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
