dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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