im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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